The OCD roundabout: why reassurance makes the doubt louder
Updated: 7 days ago
If you've ever gone round a roundabout twice because the sat nav said "take the second exit" and you couldn't work out whether the little one counted, you'll know the feeling of not being quite sure which way to go. Hold onto that picture, because it's the best way I know to explain how OCD and reassurance work.
I'm Charlotte, an OCD specialist therapist in the UK. A question I came across on Reddit sums up what so many people tell me: why does reassurance calm me down so quickly, and then leave me feeling even worse later?
First, what's normal
Asking "do I look okay?" before a night out, checking with a friend that you didn't come across badly, or looking something up when you're worried are all normal, human things to do. Most of the time the answer settles the feeling and you move on, and none of that on its own is OCD.
So when might it be OCD?
OCD is a cycle of obsessions (thoughts, images, urges or doubts that keep coming back, feel unwanted and cause real distress) and compulsions (things you do, out loud or in your head, to make the distress settle or to feel sure). Reassurance seeking is one of the most common compulsions.
Clinicians usually start thinking about OCD when that cycle causes real distress, takes up a lot of time, often more than an hour a day, or gets in the way of daily life. Only a qualified professional can say whether it's OCD, so if this sounds familiar, it's worth asking rather than guessing.
The OCD roundabout
Imagine you're driving towards a roundabout. As you get closer, the doubts start to show up: what if this is the wrong exit, what if I don't want to go there, what if the other way is better? So you go round, and then you go round again.
Going round the roundabout is the reassurance and the compulsions. Each lap gives you a little relief from the anxiety, and it also tells your brain a story: that going round was the only way to make sure you picked the right exit. In fact, no number of laps can make you certain, and the longer you go round, the more the roundabout starts to feel like the only safe place to be.
Why reassurance works, and then doesn't
Say the thought is "does my partner really love me?". You ask them, they say yes, and for a few minutes, brilliant, you can breathe. Then you notice a slight change in how they're acting, and the thought is back: do they really love me? So you ask again, and this time you doubt the answer a little more.
OCD is sometimes called the disorder of doubt, and that's why. Reassurance brings relief quickly, and that relief teaches your brain that the doubt was an emergency that needed answering. So next time the doubt arrives sooner, it feels louder, and you need more reassurance, rather than less, to get the same relief.
Reassurance can look like asking someone, and it can also be quieter: searching online, checking your body, leaving what you're doing to make the feeling stop, or going over it in your head until it feels settled.
Taking the exit without the certainty
So how do we change that? Well, the aim isn't to find a better kind of reassurance. The aim is to take the exit without waiting to be sure, to feel the discomfort, the anxiety and sometimes the shame of not knowing, and to keep driving anyway.
That might feel uncomfortable at first, and that's okay. Each time you take the exit without the lap, you're teaching your brain that you can carry the doubt, and over time the urge to go round tends to get smaller.
In sessions, part of my job is to sit in that discomfort alongside you without jumping in to rescue you from it, so the exit can start to feel possible.
One small thing to try
Think about a time you sought reassurance recently, maybe asking your partner for the third time that day whether your child looks poorly. Next time you notice the urge, see if you can just sit in that feeling for a moment before you do anything, and notice what happens. Small changes count.
If that feels too big to do on your own, that makes complete sense. This is exactly the kind of thing we practise together in therapy, at your pace.
What helps
OCD is treatable and recovery is possible. The treatment NICE recommends first is CBT with exposure and response prevention (ERP), where we work together to gently face the doubt while you practise not doing the compulsion, reassurance included. Other approaches like I-CBT and ACT can help alongside it.
If you'd like some small first steps, my free guide ERP Starter Experiments has gentle first-step ideas across 19 OCD themes.
If it's someone you love who keeps asking, I've written a post for you too: How to support someone with OCD without reassuring them.
I'm also building What Do I Say?, my short video course for partners, family and friends, opening early 2027.
Quick answers
Tap a question to open it.
Will I be made to do things I'm not ready for?
No. We plan every step together, aiming for something that feels a little stretching but still doable. You're always allowed to say no.
Does CBT with ERP work for OCD?
CBT that includes Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is the treatment recommended for OCD in NICE guidance and by the NHS. Many people find their symptoms reduce with it. Everyone responds differently, so we review how it's going as we work.
Can OCD be cured?
OCD is treatable and recovery is possible. There isn't a guaranteed cure, and I'd never promise one. With the right therapy, many people find OCD takes up far less of their life, and they know what to do when it flares up.
How much does private OCD therapy cost?
Sessions are 50 minutes and cost £120, or £660 for a block of six (£110 per session). A free 15 to 20 minute consultation by phone or video is available if you'd like one first.
When you're ready
I work with adults online across the UK, and I'm a BABCP accredited CBT therapist with 12 years in NHS and community mental health services. You don't need to have it all figured out before you get in touch.
For bite-sized OCD support most days, come and find me on Instagram at @the_floral_therapist.
Charlotte
If you feel unsafe, or worried you might act on a thought, call 999 or go to A&E, call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option, or call Samaritans free, any time, on 116 123.
This post is educational and isn't a replacement for therapy. Please speak to an OCD specialist or contact your GP for further support.
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