Your first EMDR session: what actually happens
If you've booked your first EMDR session, there's a good chance you've already spent an evening watching videos of people following a therapist's fingers back and forth, and possibly practised following your own finger in the bathroom mirror. Completely understandable. Here's the thing nobody tells you, though.
Your first EMDR session probably won't have any eye movements in it at all.
I'm Charlotte, an EMDR practitioner and BABCP-accredited CBT therapist in the UK. In this post I'll walk you through what the first session and the ones after it usually look like, so you can walk in (or log on) knowing what to expect.
Why there are no eye movements yet
EMDR follows eight phases, and the eye movements don't start until phase four. Before we go anywhere near a difficult memory, we need two things: a good understanding of you, and ways for you to feel steady. Starting with the hard memories before those are in place wouldn't be kind or safe, so we don't.
What happens in the first session
The first session is mostly a conversation. We'll talk about:
What's brought you here, in as much or as little detail as you want to give.
How things are for you now: sleep, work, relationships, what's hard and what's helping.
What you'd like to be different. This might be clear, or it might be a feeling of "I just don't want to feel like this anymore". Both are fine.
Your questions. About EMDR, about me, about how we'll work. There are no silly questions.
You don't have to tell me everything that happened, and you don't need to describe any memory in detail. In EMDR you only share what you're comfortable with, from the very first session.
The sessions after: getting ready
The next phase is preparation, and it can take a session or two, or longer if that's what you need. This is where we build what EMDR therapists sometimes call your resources, things like:
a calm place: somewhere real or imagined you can bring to mind to help you settle
grounding exercises to bring you back to the room if a feeling gets big
the butterfly hug, a gentle left-right tapping you can do yourself
a stop signal, so you can pause any time without needing to explain
We'll also try out the bilateral stimulation itself, often on something pleasant first, so you can find out whether eye movements, sounds or taps feel best for you. Most of my clients follow a dot that moves across the screen, but it's always your choice.
When we start working on a memory
When you feel ready, we choose a memory together. I'll ask you to bring up a picture of it, the belief about yourself that comes with it (something like "I'm not safe" or "it was my fault"), and where you feel it in your body. I'll also ask you to give it a rough number, from 0 (no distress at all) to 10 (the most you can imagine), so we have a way of noticing how it changes. There's no wrong number. Then we do short rounds of eye movements, sounds or taps.
After each round I'll ask "what are you noticing now?". You might notice a feeling, a thought, another memory or very little at all. There's no right answer, and you can't do it wrong. Then we carry on.
Every session ends gently
However far we get, we always leave time at the end of a session to settle. We won't finish in the middle of something big and send you out into the world. We'll use the calm place or grounding exercises until you feel steady, and we'll talk about how to look after yourself before next time.
What it might feel like afterwards
Some people feel lighter. Some feel tired, more emotional than usual, or notice more vivid dreams for a day or two. All of this is common, and I've written more about it here: EMDR side effects.
It's worth planning something gentle for after your first processing session if you can, rather than a busy evening.
How long does EMDR take overall?
It varies a lot. For PTSD after a single event, NICE guidance suggests around 8 to 12 sessions. If there's been more than one difficult experience, or a lot of difficult years, it can take longer. We'll plan it together and review how things are going as we go.
Some questions people ask me before starting
Do I need to prepare anything? No. Just come as you are. If it helps, jot down anything you'd like me to know.
What if I can't remember parts of what happened? That's very common. We work with what you do remember, and EMDR isn't about digging up memories that aren't there.
What if I cry? Then you cry, and that's okay. And if you don't, that's okay too. People respond to EMDR in all sorts of ways.
What if I want to stop? You can stop at any point, in any session. You're in charge.
What if there's a court case about what happened? Please tell your therapist before you start. EMDR can change how a memory feels and how you describe it, which may matter if you're giving evidence. It doesn't necessarily mean you can't have therapy, it just means we plan it carefully together, and it's worth checking with the police or your solicitor too.
One small thing to try
Before your first session, try the butterfly hug once on a calm day, so it feels familiar. Cross your arms over your chest, fingertips just below your collarbones, and tap slowly, left, right, left, right, while you breathe out a little longer than you breathe in. Notice what happens. That's all.
Quick answers
Tap a question to see the answer.
How long is an EMDR session?
I offer 50 minute sessions (£120) and extended 80 minute EMDR sessions (£180).
Will I do eye movements in the first session?
Usually not. The first sessions are about getting to know you and helping you feel steady.
Do I have to talk about what happened?
Only what you're comfortable with. You don't need to describe the memory in detail.
Can I stop if it gets too much?
Yes, at any point.
When you're ready
I'm an EMDR practitioner and a member of EMDR UK, trained with Dr Michael Paterson OBE and working under the supervision of an EMDR consultant. I'm also a BABCP-accredited CBT therapist with 12 years in NHS and community mental health services. I work with adults online across the UK. If you're not sure yet whether EMDR is for you, that's a fine place to start a conversation.
For bite-sized OCD support most days, come and find me on Instagram at @the_floral_therapist.
Charlotte
If you're struggling to stay safe right now, call 999 or go to A&E, call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option, or call Samaritans free, any time, on 116 123.
This post is educational and isn't a replacement for therapy. Please speak to a qualified therapist or contact your GP for further support.
Research mentioned
NICE (2018, reviewed 2025), Post-traumatic stress disorder, NG116
Shapiro, F. (2018), EMDR Therapy, 3rd edition.
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